Healing family patterns is one of those important not urgent things. They’re not as hard to address as you might think but ignoring them will definitely dampen how much you can live life the way you want to.
What family patterns am I referring to here? How does one go about healing them?
Have you ever observed your family at a gathering and wondered, there’s always so much drama? Or the volume on conversations is always cranked up, to the max. Or on the other end of the spectrum, it gets so contrived and “polite and quiet”, there’s no room for personality and you could likely cut the tension with a knife.
These are regular family patterns that come with the culture, beliefs and general habits that have developed in that unit called “family”.
Then you have the family patterns that go a little deeper. Patterns like ongoing money issues, drama that is so toxic it takes days to recenter afterward, alcoholism, drug addiction, explosive moments followed by complete silence, the aunty or uncle no-one talks about or a “knowing” of traumas in the family history rarely spoken of. Just tip-toed around.
These family patterns are the pervasive, insidious ones that while they’re not often spoken aloud, their presence is palpable. Their influence is like a silent river that underscores far too many relationships and exchanges.
This is where healing family patterns, from a soul level, becomes vital. Not only vital in terms of important, also vital in terms of your own vital force energy. Clearing the space of old energy patterns that are long expired so contentedness, serenity and the excitement of YOU can come into play without such struggle, is reconnecting you to your vital force energy.
Over time, pervasive family patterns become part of the family fabric. Their negative influence appears to be normal. Healthy. That uncle or sibling and their behaviors are just because they had a rough childhood. They probably did. But normalizing it’s ripple effect is anything but healthy.
Of course there are positive family patterns. We also receive ancestral karma and lineage that is productive, liberates your heart and facilitates how you want to live your life and create your future.
The problem is, we’ve gotten used to having to dig and dig to connect with that goodness. That emotional, soulful and spiritual goodness. It extra effort and a ‘saga’ to access that beautiful, facilitating support from our lineage. We’re too busy wading through the negative ancestral karma messing life up.
It can cloud how you see the world. More so, it’s like walking through muck to simply perceive into yourself, into your own strengths and desires.
Allowing yourself to heal these family patterns is a gift FOR YOU. We’ll start that journey here and put some space between you and these family patterns so you can at least start to tell, what’s “them” and what’s “me”?
How can you be free of the ancestral karmic ‘prison’?
Actively healing family patterns so you can be YourSelf with less fight
Prepare for a truth-bomb here. This matter is important for our conscious awareness. It strangely allows us to develop some space between the inter-weaved threads of our dynamics and our family pattern dynamics.
From there, recognizing family patterns that need healing becomes easier. Healing them becomes less personal and more empowering.
Ready for the truth-bomb? You chose your parents. I chose my parents. We chose our parents!
Yes, this is a soul-level reality.
Not a random occurrence as we tend to think. If we ever actually stop to think about it at all, actually!
Not your day to day topic to consider but, funnily enough, we live with it every day of our own lives.
When you say something to your child that your Mum used to say. And you swore you never would.
Or you hear “that tone” that your Dad used to use.
We didn’t just grow up with them physically.
We also grew up “bathing and stewing” in their energy. The energy of the family patterns. Our soul and theirs, interacting while in these bodies.
Energetically exchanging attitudes, motivations, their fears, their joys, their hurts, their dreams. Spoken and unspoken. Whether we were in their presence or physical absence.
The dreams they actually lived for themselves. And those ‘long-lost-dreams’ they didn’t act on, but which weren’t lost to their heart and soul.
We live with this reality that we chose our parents on a soul-level in a bunch of ways. And it’s because something in us resonated with them.
Choosing our parents on a soul level is vital to healing family patterns
Consider this phenomenon for a moment. It seems strange and illogical, especially if we only consider it from a physical, material level. Let me put it in context for you.
Think about the vast harmony of our Universe, our Milky Way. If something as huge and limitless as our Universe, the Milky Way, the sun, the planets, the millions of stars out there, can run with some sort of “invisible” order, then why wouldn’t our own soul have an order and harmony it works with?
Could you imagine if the Earth decided it was just going to do its own orbit? Or if our neighbour Mars decided it wanted our orbit lane?!
What if the sun decided it had enough of our solar system and wanted to go join another nebula out there?
It would get a tad chaotic and disastrous wouldn’t it? But it doesn’t happen. Why?
Because it has an “invisible” (not so invisible!) order and harmony it works to. There’s no question there is a vast consciousness that guides and operates it somehow.
What do stars and orbits have to do with healing family patterns?
Considering we’re made of star dust and influenced everyday by nebula energy that’s travelled light years to reach us, we’re not random and chaotic in our human rhythms either.
Seeing our presence in context of our own solar system highlights we’re surrounded and ‘bathing’ in energy patterns all the time.
Healing our family patterns is the journey of clearly seeing the orbit (pattern) of our family dynamics so we get clearer on what’s theirs and NOT ours!
We chose our parents to incarnate into this body for this lifetime because of the resonance we shared with them at the time our soul was ready to do another Earth journey.
There were also a lot of good and productive qualities and dynamics you all resonated with at the time. It was in the mix of the negative karmic patterns that they hadn’t yet resolved and neither had you. Positive, negative and neutral, there was a match!
The environment to support you to clear your negative karma was ideal for you to do your path of return. The return to your soul level strengths. The return to accessing your true potential more freely. The return to expressing your soul level strengths with far less negative gunk getting in your way. Yours and theirs!
So, when we consider the incredible order and harmony that our vast Universe demonstrates 24/7 and the predictability of even our own physical body systems over 24 hours, it starts to make a little more sense that some vast consciousness is also helping us operate to some sort of order and harmony.
That vast consciousness, for us humans, is called our soul.
Our soul, over lifetimes, participates in so many life events and has multiple experiences that it creates patterns and karma of its own. But it doesn’t enter a blank family canvas. It enters a family canvas-pattern that it resonates with.
Mum’s warmth. Dad’s creativeness. Grandma’s temper. Grandpa’s feistiness. Genetics did its own ordered and partly predictable interactions to enable that to come together in you. But what animated your genetics? Your soul’s vital force energy did.
Your soul is full of information about you (the akashic record we read in your session), so why wouldn’t your own soul-level self, before incarnation, choose your parents?
It’s very well informed as to what strengths it currently has in its energy patterning AND what karmic patterns it has to clear too!
It has to choose a family-pattern that it can integrate into as smoothly as possible when incarnating into a physical body. If there’s no resonance at all, it doesn’t make sense to the universal laws of vibration and frequency we all live by. The laws that our own universe and all its rhythmic moving parts, demonstrate daily.
Why would choosing a family lineage pattern and ancestral karmic patterns, be any more of a random or haphazard act than the Universe and our body staying in good order every day?
We have a lot more power as a soul than we realize.
“I sounded like my Mum just then!”
When you comment that you got this from Mum or that from Dad, you may have just learned it growing up with them.
It may also have been a predisposition in your soul level blueprint, energetically. Predispositions of temperament, character and skills that are your true strengths and helpful in your life journey. As well as predispositions to negative patterns, unhelpful in your life journey, that need to be cleared.
And the chosen family environment makes sure those patterns have the opportunity to come out! My epigenetics PhD thesis will attest to the science of that.
I know all this can be a strange thing to consider. A bit mind blowing if you’re not used to seeing things from a soul level. However, it’s also been relieving for so many clients.
I guess it depends on what quality or personality trait of Mum or Dad you’re thinking of right now!
One thing’s for sure though, it’s really valuable information to know.
Healing family patterns means first realizing – we’re a soul that creates a body
We’re so used to thinking of our body as being present first. Makes sense when we need a vehicle to be able to use and express our consciousness.
With that consciousness, we gradually learn about our own intuition, inner vision, creativity, temperament which opens us further, seeking more of our purpose and meaning. This is a search to connect with your soul self.
Even though we identify with our physical selves first, it can take a minute to realize, it’s the last thing to materialize.
Something had to animate this body to come into manifestation. Something had to animate and bring to expression our characteristics. Something helped the embryo to form the fingers, the brain, the GI tract, the skin and so on.
Our soul level self never dies, it’s simply consciousness without a body! As our soul blueprint, it’s a complex system unto itself and it’s extremely capable of manifesting this divine vehicle of ours.
The only way to change the negating karmic patterns that become stuck in your soul blueprint from previous times being in a body (the pattern helped then for some reason, no longer helps now ,but it’s super-stuck!), is to incarnate into a body. And it’s easiest to incarnate into an environment that resonates to who you are at soul level, at that time.
Your family environment kindly draws out the negative ancestral karma you all bring in!
Has there ever been a time when you said, “I will never treat my kids or live my life the way (insert Mum or Dad antic here)”?
That statement most simply encapsulates the fact that your soul-level Self ‘tapped the shoulder of your consciousness’ to highlight, “Hey, here’s a pattern you can transform so you can open up to more of your own self-expression, just saying!”
Like unravelling knotted cable cords, once those negative karmic patterns are dissolved, your own true soul level strengths have the space to come through (flood through!) more easily.
You chose your parents based on an energetic match before your soul incarnated into your physical body.
Their own karmic patterns brought your parents together. They were a match for each other at the time they met.
Together, they brought about an energetic environment that resonated to the karmic patterns you’d developed over previous lifetimes.
When Carey (pseudonym) discovered the soul story and root cause to the paternal pattern that had her feel she had to keep proving herself (and thereby undermining herself), she realized (a) the nuanced ways she’d perpetuated that pattern in her day to day life, (b) knew much more clearly what she had to transform and (c) knew precisely what habits she had to keep an eye out for in her day to day actions.
Whatever the energetic environment of your own soul’s karmic patterns, it will find parents that ensure your karmic patterns resonate most with theirs. They won’t necessarily look the same physically, but energetically the pattern overlaps.
Whether that be the same family lineage (over different incarnations) or another family lineage, it actually doesn’t matter.
Your Soul draws you into an energetic environment to provide you with the right situations and experiences that will draw out those negative karmic patterns and begin healing family patterns.
As they get drawn out into your physical world, you can give them conscious awareness.
Then your body can help you do the empowered actions to change the pattern. To dissolve it. Put an end to it. More on this below.
You can finally start expressing more of YOUR authentic self. Your soul-level self that is MEANT to interact with this life through your body.
It’s incredibly liberating and relieving for you in your day to day life.
Deeper foundations for healing family patterns – ancestral karma and lineage we birthed into
We have Grandma’s fortitude and Grandpa’s stubbornness.
We have Mum’s reactive emotionality and Dad’s nifty craftsmanship.
This is the family lineage we become privy to in our own life and development.
Plus, our soul and genetic karma also integrates their ancestral karma. That is, the energy of the era they grew up in.
For example, simply review the stories or research done on survivors of the Holocaust. Or any parent or grandparent that lived through any of the horrific wars of the 20th century, the suffragette movement, the fight for world peace or the civil rights movements.
We are living in an era close enough to potentially know the people and feel the vibe of those times.
You’ll often see this referred to as collective trauma. Since entering the Aquarian Age, we’ve steadily been increasing our conscious awareness of collective trauma and therefore personal trauma.
Collective trauma is based on the foundation of ancestral karma and family lineage. It’s collective. Our family unit is one of the first collective units we participate in as souls becoming a body.
What would ancestral karma or family lineage patterns look like?
A scarcity mentality that shows up as lack or struggle.
A persecution pattern that shows up as defensiveness.
A helplessness pattern that shows up as being bullied or teased.
A pattern of feeling vulnerable that shows up as anxiety, aches, pains or systemic health issues.
Their survival needs in their time became an ongoing energetic pattern, even when circumstances improved, and now looks like you chasing your tail. Catching up on your own basic needs while trying to get ahead on your self nurturance slips through your fingers.
All these can certainly come through our DNA in the typical materialistic way we’ve learned about. Keep in mind however, our soul energy heaped with ancestral karma can gunk up our DNA code and impact what’s being transmitted, encoded and eventually expressed.
Gaining insight into ancestral karma and family lineage that’s been transmitted, by simple physics and the laws of vibration and frequency, takes an invisible weight off your shoulders.
You can also explore it directly with them if you want to, kindly discussing historical patterns with Mum or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa. If possible. They may know about their family lineage or ancestral patterns but even if they don’t, energy flows regardless.
Whether or not you met ancestors or older family members, their energy patterns has come down the line. The positive and the negating.
When you thought, “that’s just me”, consider that an inherited energetic pattern has potentially become too personalized, which makes it hard to observe it with some space. But then, discovering certain habits and ruts are fueled by genetic karma, gives you the space to see it less personally and realize, “Actually, it’s not ALL me”.
It gives you a breath of fresh air to view it with a little more detachment. At the risk of sounding cliche, it’s empowering!
This is how we chose our parents – and activated our ability for healing family patterns.
It’s not a random lotto draw. Or even a “pick and choose” where you ended up ‘last in the line’ with slim pickings to choose from!
The Milky Way doesn’t operate like that and neither do we as an aspect of that orderly and harmonious consciousness.
We chose our parents based on our soul blueprint (vibrational matrix) matching up with parents of a similar vibration. With the history they had integrated within them.
We choose our parents as a soul because they are a vibrational match to our soul level. At the time of your birth.
It’s physics in action!
Of course, they have had different physical and lifestyle experiences to you, but similar ENERGETIC PATTERNS of interacting within those experiences infused into their soul blueprint.
Quantum physics, quantum entanglement and string theory now tap into the akashic field, the field where our soul blueprint lives. The Akashic records I read for your soul sessions.
The vast amount of information in each person’s Akashic record is mind blowing and intricate. But getting insight about those family patterns that can mess up your life is straightforward.
We have the amazing power to be self-determining – why can’t you be the end of the line for a negative family pattern?
While we’re a soul in a body, we have such immense capacity for self-determination. For conscious choice. For healing action.
As overwhelming as it can be sometimes, we have the ability to make choices and take actions to change karma that doesn’t work for us anymore. To create karma we want to leave coded in our soul blueprint.
And most important, healing family patterns so you’re the ‘end of the line’ for that ancestral karma and family lineage habit or dynamic that no longer serves anyone. You or your family line to come.
Some distresses and distortions that we’ve experienced from our lineage just need to reach their end point.
Why can’t you be the end of the line for the stubbornness from your paternal side that has led to self-destructiveness?
Why can’t you be the end of the line for the disproportionate emotional reactivity from your maternal side, bringing panic attacks or self-neglect?
Why can’t you be the one that reactivates a positive family lineage pattern that actually amplifies your soul strengths?
Why can’t you be the one to bring your clarity and soul-level strengths to facilitate your children’s soul purpose? So their soul-strengths are more easily top of mind to build new collective patterns that enhance society?
We can lovingly do that while our soul is driving this body of ours.
DIY – start healing family patterns interfering with your goals
Here are two DIY suggestions to empower your journey in healing family patterns.
- “I sounded like my mother/ father!”
- Start with the habits you find most frustrating in yourself that remind you of your Mum or Dad. This isn’t about insulting or disrespecting them, it’s about awareness.
- With these habits, note out what the frustration/ agitation is, describe it as comprehensively as you can.
- Detail what the verbal habit tends to be. Does it result in explosive comments, arguments, snide comments, silence?
- Consider where the thought process tends to go. Does it spur on feelings of worthlessness, powerlessness, self-doubt? Maybe even self-deprecation, “I’m such an idiot”
- What action habits show up? Crossed arms, firm jaw, attitude facial expressions?
- From there, journal as much as you can remember about any stories your parents have told you that may relate to these habits. When you review these stories with these antics in mind, it opens up another perspective and lens to become familiar with family patterns.
- The combined process of steps 2 to 7 above will help you start to unfold the energetics and patterns in those stories and the dynamics they reflect.
- Once you feel comfortable with all you’ve written out, imagine (only imagine for yourself) how you would comment about the verbal habits you outlined. How you would counter the thought processes you unravelled. What statement you’d make about the action habits that tend to show up. For e.g. “explosive comments make it hard for me to understand you, I’d rather you said it softly”. Or, “that attitude on your face when I try to express something is off-putting”.
- Don’t skip step 9 and your imagining! THIS is where you clear some clouds of the family pattern and rediscover, “what’s theirs and NOT me!”
- Trace it back up the line
- Consider an argument or disagreement of the past you’ve had with one of your parents or grandparents that has really left a ‘scar’ for you. Emotionally, mentally or somewhere you can clearly FEEL it. In your body, somewhere in your being, in your energy self.
- Often times, it’s a trauma of some sort, the memory and image of it is quite vivid and clear.
- Reflect and drill down to one theme in that argument that seems to be a repeated point of friction in other arguments. For e.g., even though the arguments are different, they tend to revolve around the theme of someone always having to defend their position, or justify themselves, or prove themselves. Or always having to agree, even if they don’t, just to keep the peace.
- Assuming you are able to communicate safely and productively with a relative aware of this family pattern, prepare a list of questions to explore the family history of that particular repeated pattern.
- These questions are not personal to your relative. This isn’t an interrogation of anybody! They are about the traditions and history that bring light to this theme. This can be healing for you and for the relative you’re having this objective conversation with.
- A personal example. My father, may he rest in peace, suffered psychotic depression. He had a paranoia of being poisoned. Our immediate family never had any issue along these lines. I discovered (haphazardly) when visiting Italy there was a period in Dad’s life where he actually was given food with something in it intended to make him unwell. No wonder he was scared as hell to have his helping medication!
Healing family patterns with the
Ancestral Karma & Family Lineage Reading
You can also consider a direct reading of your Akashic record to uncover what ancestral karma and family lineage blocks that have become transmitted and stuck in your soul blueprint. Patterns messing up some aspect of your life and you’re just done.
These blocks and transmission can be clogging up your soul blueprint on the energetic level or physical level.
Sometimes the energy side is cleared but the imprint (so to speak) in your physical DNA code is still lingering. It’s the last “breadcrumb” to be swept out of the mix to bring that ancestral or family pattern to a complete halt.
The Ancestral Karma and Family Lineage Reading can help you discover the ancestral or lineage blocks that impact you in relation to specific life events or life situations that you’ve grown sick and tired of.
Discover the exact soul level and/or physical level block(s) that clamp your energy and keep you looping in old, frustrating family karma.
While this Ancestral Karma and Family Lineage Reading can get direct answers and find the needles-in-the-haystack, taking yourself through exercises 1 and 2 is still very helpful and valuable.
There’s always a way to start awakening your own soul-level healing on matters that are really bothering you in this space. You just need to be pointed in the right direction. I trust having read this article to this point, it’s opened up some consideration and given you some focus on where to start.
Healing family patterns – The soul-level reality that we chose our parents is all in harmonious universal order
We are powerful souls.
In the last 2-3 generations we’ve awakened far more to the consciousness that drives us. We’re also less restricted and less threatened than we’ve ever been in history.
Now that we’re past the lunacy of witches being burned at the stake, the legalities that actually prohibit women from getting ahead somehow, the aggression that sent so many of our fathers, brothers and sons to senseless wars, we have amazing opportunities and possibilities to really wipe our family-slate clean.
You have a unique and distinct soul-level blueprint that brings your soul-level leadership to life. In the many things you choose to do and the personal and professional paths you choose.
The sooner you get untangled from the old karmic-cords of ancestral karma and lineage that no longer work for you, the easier it’ll be to express your own soul-level strengths.
Healing family patterns – liberate your True Self
The Ancestral Karma and Family Lineage Reading – special offer
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Healing family patterns starts outs as an important-not-urgent activity. However, as you develop, mature and awaken through multiple life experiences, their impact becomes heavier in your mind and heart. Your life situations feel more clamped and clouded.
Your tolerance reduces for family members or “the is how we do things”. Snappiness, frustration and aggravation start to replace what used to be good times.
It doesn’t have to be difficult to find ancestral karma and family lineage hindering you from shining in your own soul level strengths.
It especially doesn’t have to to be traumatic* or difficult to re-create healthier relationships with the people you love while KNOWING you are more free and liberated to be YOU.
In all your glory and essence. With all your soul level strengths and distinct soul level leadership.
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Feel free to comment or ask questions below. If there’s something you want to know more about with this topic, let me know.
Onward and upward,
*if personal trauma affects you at this time, you can consider this Ancestral Karma and Family Lineage Reading for energetic, psycho-spiritual development work, or, you can consider purely psychological EMDR therapy. Review EMDR trauma-focused therapy information here.