Healing family patterns is one of those important not urgent things. They’re not as hard to address as you might think but ignoring them will definitely dampen how much you can live life the way you want to.

What family patterns am I referring to here? How does one go about healing them?

Have you ever observed your family at a gathering and wondered, there’s always so much drama? Or the volume on conversations is always cranked up, to the max. Or on the other end of the spectrum, it gets so contrived and “polite and quiet”, there’s no room for personality and you could likely cut the tension with a knife.

These are regular family patterns that come with the culture, beliefs and general habits that have developed in that unit called “family”.

Then you have the family patterns that go a little deeper. Patterns like ongoing money issues, drama that is so toxic it takes days to recenter afterward, alcoholism, drug addiction, explosive moments followed by complete silence, the aunty or uncle no-one talks about or a “knowing” of traumas in the family history rarely spoken of. Just tip-toed around.

These family patterns are the pervasive, insidious ones that while they’re not often spoken aloud, their presence is palpable. Their influence is like a silent river that underscores far too many relationships and exchanges.

This is where healing family patterns, from a soul level, becomes vital. Not only vital in terms of important, also vital in terms of your own vital force energy. Clearing the space of old energy patterns that are long expired so contentedness, serenity and the excitement of YOU can come into play without such struggle, is reconnecting you to your vital force energy.

Over time, pervasive family patterns become part of the family fabric. Their negative influence appears to be normal. Healthy. That uncle or sibling and their behaviors are just because they had a rough childhood. They probably did. But normalizing it’s ripple effect is anything but healthy.


Of course there are positive family patterns. We also receive ancestral karma and lineage that is productive, liberates your heart and facilitates how you want to live your life and create your future.

The problem is, we’ve gotten used to having to dig and dig to connect with that goodness. That emotional, soulful and spiritual goodness. It extra effort and a ‘saga’ to access that beautiful, facilitating support from our lineage. We’re too busy wading through the negative ancestral karma messing life up.

It can cloud how you see the world. More so, it’s like walking through muck to simply perceive into yourself, into your own strengths and desires.

Allowing yourself to heal these family patterns is a gift FOR YOU. We’ll start that journey here and put some space between you and these family patterns so you can at least start to tell, what’s “them” and what’s “me”?

How can you be free of the ancestral karmic ‘prison’?

Actively healing family patterns so you can be YourSelf with less fight

Prepare for a truth-bomb here. This matter is important for our conscious awareness. It strangely allows us to develop some space between the inter-weaved threads of our dynamics and our family pattern dynamics.

From there, recognizing family patterns that need healing becomes easier. Healing them becomes less personal and more empowering.

Ready for the truth-bomb? You chose your parents. I chose my parents. We chose our parents!


Yes, this is a soul-level reality.

Not a random occurrence as we tend to think. If we ever actually stop to think about it at all, actually!

Not your day to day topic to consider but, funnily enough, we live with it every day of our own lives.

When you say something to your child that your Mum used to say. And you swore you never would.

Or you hear “that tone” that your Dad used to use. 

We didn’t just grow up with them physically. 

We also grew up “bathing and stewing” in their energy. The energy of the family patterns. Our soul and theirs, interacting while in these bodies.

Energetically exchanging attitudes, motivations, their fears, their joys, their hurts, their dreams. Spoken and unspoken. Whether we were in their presence or physical absence.

The dreams they actually lived for themselves. And those ‘long-lost-dreams’ they didn’t act on, but which weren’t lost to their heart and soul.

We live with this reality that we chose our parents on a soul-level in a bunch of ways. And it’s because something in us resonated with them. 

Choosing our parents on a soul level is vital to healing family patterns

Consider this phenomenon for a moment. It seems strange and illogical, especially if we only consider it from a physical, material level. Let me put it in context for you. 


Think about the vast harmony of our Universe, our Milky Way. If something as huge and limitless as our Universe, the Milky Way, the sun, the planets, the millions of stars out there, can run with some sort of “invisible” order, then why wouldn’t our own soul have an order and harmony it works with?

Could you imagine if the Earth decided it was just going to do its own orbit? Or if our neighbour Mars decided it wanted our orbit lane?!

What if the sun decided it had enough of our solar system and wanted to go join another nebula out there?

It would get a tad chaotic and disastrous wouldn’t it? But it doesn’t happen. Why?

Because it has an “invisible” (not so invisible!) order and harmony it works to. There’s no question there is a vast consciousness that guides and operates it somehow. 

What do stars and orbits have to do with healing family patterns? 

Considering we’re made of star dust and influenced everyday by nebula energy that’s travelled light years to reach us, we’re not random and chaotic in our human rhythms either. 

Seeing our presence in context of our own solar system highlights we’re surrounded and ‘bathing’ in energy patterns all the time.

Healing our family patterns is the journey of clearly seeing the orbit (pattern) of our family dynamics so we get clearer on what’s theirs and NOT ours!

We chose our parents to incarnate into this body for this lifetime because of the resonance we shared with them at the time our soul was ready to do another Earth journey. There were also a lot of good and productive qualities and dynamics you all resonated with at the time.


So, when we consider the incredible order and harmony that our vast Universe demonstrates 24/7 and the predictability of even our own physical body systems over 24 hours, it starts to make a little more sense that some vast consciousness is also helping us operate to some sort of order and harmony. 

That vast consciousness, for us humans, is called our soul. 

Our soul, over lifetimes, participates in so many life events and has multiple experiences that it creates patterns and karma of its own. But it doesn’t enter a blank family canvas. It enters a family canvas-pattern that it resonates with.

Mum’s warmth. Dad’s creativeness. Grandma’s temper. Grandpa’s feistiness. Genetics did its own ordered and partly predictable interactions to enable that to come together in you. But what animated your genetics? Your soul’s vital force energy did.

Your soul is full of information about you (the akashic record we read in your session), so why wouldn’t your own soul-level self, before incarnation, choose your parents? 

It’s very well informed as to what strengths it currently has in its energy patterning AND what karmic patterns it has to clear too!


It has to choose a family-pattern that it can integrate into as smoothly as possible when incarnating into a physical body. If there’s no resonance at all, it doesn’t make sense to the universal laws of vibration and frequency we all live by. The laws that our own universe and all its rhythmic moving parts, demonstrate daily.

We have a lot more power as a soul than we realize.

“I sounded like my Mum just then!”

When you comment that you got this from Mum or that from Dad, you may have just learned it growing up with them.

It may also have been a predisposition, energetically. Predispositions of temperament, character and skills that are your true strengths and helpful in your life journey. As well as predispositions to negative patterns, unhelpful in your life journey, that need to be cleared.

And the chosen family environment makes sure those patterns have the opportunity to come out! My epigenetics PhD thesis will attest to the science of that.

I know all this can be a strange thing to consider. A bit mind blowing if you’re not used to seeing things from a soul level. However, it’s also been relieving for so many clients. 

I guess it depends on what quality or personality trait of Mum or Dad you’re thinking of right now! 

One thing’s for sure though, it’s really valuable information to know.

Healing family patterns means first realizing – we’re a soul that creates a body

We’re so used to thinking of our body as being present first. Makes sense when we need a vehicle to be able to use and express our consciousness.

With that consciousness, we gradually learn about our own intuition, inner vision, creativity, temperament which opens us further, seeking more of our purpose and meaning. This is a search to connect with your soul self.

Even though we identify with our physical selves first, it can take a minute to realize, it’s the last thing to materialize.

Something had to animate this body to come into manifestation. Something had to animate and bring to expression our characteristics. Something helped the embryo to form the fingers, the brain, the GI tract, the skin and so on.

Our soul level self never dies, it’s simply consciousness without a body! As our soul blueprint, it’s a complex system unto itself and it’s extremely capable of manifesting this divine vehicle of ours.

Your family environment kindly draws out the ancestral karma you all bring in!

Has there ever been a time when you said, “I will never treat my kids or live my life the way (insert Mum or Dad antic here)”?

That statement most simply encapsulates the fact that your soul-level Self ‘tapped the shoulder of your consciousness’ to highlight, “Hey, here’s a pattern you can transform so you can open up to more of your own self-expression, just saying!”


You chose your parents based on an energetic match before your soul incarnated into your physical body.

Their own patterns brought your parents together. They were a match for each other at the time they met.

Together, they brought about an environment that resonated to the karmic patterns you’d developed over previous lifetimes. 

When Carey (pseudonym) discovered the soul story and root cause to the paternal pattern that had her feel she had to keep proving herself (and thereby undermining herself), she realized (a) the nuanced ways she’d perpetuated that pattern in her day to day life, (b) knew much more clearly what she had to transform and (c) knew precisely what habits she had to keep an eye out for in her day to day actions.

Whatever the energetic environment of your own soul’s karmic patterns, it will find parents that ensure your karmic patterns resonate most with theirs. They won’t necessarily look the same physically, but energetically the pattern overlaps.

Whether that be the same family lineage (over different incarnations) or another family lineage, it actually doesn’t matter.

Your Soul draws you into an energetic environment to provide you with the right situations and experiences that will draw out family patterns, for healing.


As they get drawn out into your physical world, you can give them conscious awareness.

Then your body can help you do the empowered actions to change the pattern. To dissolve it. Put an end to it. More on this below.

You can finally start expressing more of YOUR authentic self. Your soul-level self that is MEANT to interact with this life through your body. 

It’s incredibly liberating and relieving for you in your day to day life. 

Deeper foundations for healing family patterns – ancestral karma and lineage we birthed into

We have Grandma’s fortitude and Grandpa’s stubbornness. 

We have Mum’s reactive emotionality and Dad’s nifty craftsmanship.

This is the family lineage we become privy to in our own life and development.

For example, simply review the stories or research done on survivors of the Holocaust. Or any parent or grandparent that lived through any of the horrific wars of the 20th century, the suffragette movement, the fight for world peace or the civil rights movements. 


We are living in an era close enough to potentially know the people and feel the vibe of those times. 

You’ll often see this referred to as collective trauma. Since entering the Aquarian Age, we’ve steadily been increasing our conscious awareness of collective trauma and therefore personal trauma.

Collective trauma is based on the foundation of ancestral karma and family lineage. It’s collective. Our family unit is one of the first collective units we participate in as souls becoming a body.

What would ancestral karma or family lineage patterns look like?

A scarcity mentality that shows up as lack or struggle. 

A persecution pattern that shows up as defensiveness. 

A helplessness pattern that shows up as being bullied or teased.

A pattern of feeling vulnerable that shows up as anxiety, aches, pains or systemic health issues.

Their survival needs in their time became an ongoing energetic pattern, even when circumstances improved, and now looks like you chasing your tail. Catching up on your own basic needs while trying to get ahead on your self nurturance slips through your fingers.

Gaining insight into deeper layers of your ancestral and family lineage that’s been transmitted, by simple physics and the laws of vibration and frequency, takes an invisible weight off your shoulders.


You can also explore it directly with them if you want to, kindly discussing historical patterns with Mum or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa. If possible. They may know about their family lineage or ancestral patterns but even if they don’t, energy flows regardless.

Whether or not you met ancestors or older family members, their energy patterns has come down the line. The positive and the negating.

When you thought, “that’s just me”, consider that an inherited energetic pattern has potentially become too personalized, which makes it hard to observe it with some space.

It gives you a breath of fresh air to view it with a little more detachment. At the risk of sounding cliche, it’s empowering! Not to mention an incredible relief.

This is how we chose our parents – and activated our ability for healing family patterns.

It’s not a random lotto draw. Or even a “pick and choose” where you ended up ‘last in the line’ with slim pickings to choose from!

The Milky Way doesn’t operate like that and neither do we as an aspect of that orderly and harmonious consciousness.

We chose our parents based on our soul blueprint (vibrational matrix) matching up with parents of a similar vibration. With the history they had integrated within them.

We choose our parents as a soul because they are a vibrational match to our soul level. At the time of your birth.

It’s physics in action!


Of course, they have had different physical and lifestyle experiences to you, but similar ENERGETIC PATTERNS of interacting within those experiences infused into their soul blueprint. 

The vast amount of information in each person’s Akashic record is mind blowing and intricate. But getting insight about those family patterns that can mess up your life is straightforward.

We have the amazing power to be self-determining – why can’t you be the end of the line for a negative family pattern?

While we’re a soul in a body, we have such immense capacity for self-determination. For conscious choice. For healing action.

As overwhelming as it can be sometimes, we have the ability to make choices and take actions to change family patterns that don’t work for us anymore. And clean out your akashic record.

Heal the disruptive family patterns so you’re the ‘end of the line’ for that family lineage dynamic.

Some distresses and distortions that we’ve experienced from our lineage just need to reach their end point.

Why can’t you be the end of the line for the stubbornness from your paternal side that has led to self-destructiveness? 


Why can’t you be the end of the line for the disproportionate emotional reactivity from your maternal side, bringing panic attacks or self-neglect?

Why can’t you be the one that reactivates a positive family lineage pattern that actually amplifies your soul strengths?

Why can’t you be the one to bring your clarity and soul-level strengths to facilitate your children’s soul purpose? So their soul-strengths are more easily top of mind to build new collective patterns that enhance society?

We can lovingly do that while our soul is driving this body of ours.

Healing family patterns – dread, apprehension and anxiety about particular family members is no longer an obligation


We are powerful souls. 

In the last 2-3 generations we’ve awakened far more to the consciousness that drives us. We’re also less restricted and less threatened than we’ve ever been in history. 

Now that we’re past the lunacy of witches being burned at the stake, the legalities that actually prohibit women from getting ahead somehow, the aggression that sent so many of our fathers, brothers and sons to senseless wars, we have amazing opportunities and possibilities to really wipe our family-slate clean.

The sooner you get untangled from the old cords and ruts of negative family lineage that no longer work for you, the easier it’ll be to express your own soul-level strengths. 

Healing family patterns – resolve the deeper, hidden layer creating tense arguments


Healing family patterns becomes an issue when a life event has triggered within you, at soul level, negative ancestral karma and family lineage.

As you develop, mature and awaken through multiple life experiences, their impact becomes heavier in your mind and heart. Your life situations feel more clamped and clouded. It can trigger traumatic sensations.

Your tolerance reduces for family members or “the is how we do things”. Snappiness, frustration and aggravation start to replace what used to be good times.

It doesn’t have to to be traumatic* or difficult to re-create healthier relationships with the people you love while KNOWING you are more free and liberated to be YOU.

Move toward relationship peace with your family member

Download your free PDF report below – “Relationship Peace: Finding your own Spiritual path to calm and joy with your family member”

We’ll dive deep on:

  1. The layer people miss that can stop the arguments 
  2. How to be in harmony with your parents/siblings without having to compromise who you are 
  3. The KEY thing you need to bring to the table to create the appreciation and understanding you want

Onward and upward,

Elizabeth Celi

*if personal trauma affects you at this time, you can consider EMDR trauma therapy for managing the psychological and nervous system elements of these “frozen” and “stuck” memories. Get more insight here into my EMDR trauma therapy – in person and online.